Let’s face it — unless, due to some warped, wishful thinking, you are convinced that the real R. Kelly is “I Believe I Can Fly” and not “You Remind Me of My Jeep,” or you are just such a die-hard fan that you are completely delusional, most people believe that R. Kelly did indeed film himself having sex with and pissing on his 14-year-old goddaughter, whether they’re in the cut-off-his-balls or the she-was-old-enough-to-know-what-she-wanted camp. You believe this because you saw the tape — which very clearly shows R. Kelly and a sickeningly young girl in an ugly wood-paneled room one might also have seen if one had tuned into his MTV Cribs episode — or because you know that R. Kelly married a 15-year-old Aaliyah, or because you’ve heard about the multiple settlements he’s paid to underage girls who have accused him of sexual misconduct.

The jury saw the same tape many of us did (I was in college; it still makes me queasy to think about it). And, from what they’re saying in post-trial interviews, they saw what everyone else saw. So why the hell did R. Kelly get away with it? There was one little thing. Well, one big thing.

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