In order to better understand CBS' ratings slump, USA Today and the New York Times previously rounded up spin comments from CBS News prez, Katie Couric and even legendary anchor, Dan Rather! But will Katie retain her trademark optimism even in the face of adversity? Apparently, yes!

These things don't turn around overnight. We're trying to do a smart, compelling, engaging broadcast. If you live and die by the ratings, it's really distracting and can turn you away from your mission, which is hopefully doing the best show you possibly can.

Meanwhile, Sean McManus put it all in proper perspective, reaffirming that there has "never been any discussion" about changing anchors. Not because Couric's $60 million contract has left the network strapped for cash, but because she's really, really good!

Surprisingly, however, it's former anchor Dan Rather who offers the most logical explanation for the present ratings decline.

Not only was she trying a different kind of broadcast, but she was anchoring at a different time of day with different audience expectations and moving from a different network.

Which totally explains everything!

After all, since switching from daytime to primetime, Katie's had to learn what it's like to sleep in until noon, cut down to a mere 4 (Venti) cups of coffee a day, and—worst of all—sit back and simply watch as Kiran Chetry wins the uncontested battle of the gams.

And with altered sleep schedules, diminished perkiness and bare legs at stake, who can even think about ratings at a time like this?

Besides, you know, ABC, NBC and CBS, ACNielsen, Rick Kaplan, Sean McManus and—of course—those mythical beings called "advertisers."