Scooter who? The real trial you should be paying attention to is Jacob “The Jeweler” Arabov’s, who holds the potential to deliver more celebrity fun than Diddy’s gun trial ever could.

And speaking of Diddy, he’s being called as a witness — along with Mariah Carey, Jay-Z, and David Beckham, who supposedly can muster up a fraction of a defense in Jacob’s money-laundering ordeal. Only problem now, of course, is catering to celeb needs. Is it appropriate to produce a rider for this type of thing?

Brafman is trying to have the case moved to New York, which is home to many of the boldface witnesses he plans to call during the trial. “Trying to coordinate flying them into Detroit is a logistical nightmare that is beyond comprehension,” the lawyer said.

Getting this A-list clique to Detroit is indeed problematic. First, they’d have to find it on a map. Second, they’d have to find a Super Bowl party worth attending. Oh, that was last year? Sorry, Jacob … close, but no white gold 4.5 karat diamond cigar.