We got our hands on the gritty details of Jill Ishkanian’s $55 million lawsuit against Us Weekly and her old bosses, and out of the goodness of our heart we wanted to share with you the most interesting details.

And by “most interesting” we mean “pretty much the entire thing,” ’cause it’s hilarious.

And by “hilarious,” we mean “so much fun as a spectator, not as much fun as a defendant.”

We’ve stacked the meaty parts after the jump. And fret not: We’ve bolded the most worthwhile legalese.