• When Ralph Fiennes travels, he typically flies first class and bangs the airplane stewardess. When John Stamos travels, he gets attacked by a crazy woman who slaps him and steals his seat. Worse? They cut him off after three in-flight scotches.

• With Heath Ledger looking like that in Manhattan, Brooklyn has never felt prouder.

• Matt Damon is People magazine's Sexiest Man of the Year? Eh, we were always on Team Affleck.

• Portia de Rossi doesn't mind getting type cast as a lesbian. A shemalé, however, is a completely different matter.

• Donda West's autopsy comes back inconclusive. Meanwhile, the results are in, and it's already official: Dr. Jan Adams' career as a plastic surgeon is completely and utterly ruined.

• Despite Page Six's predictions, Jay-Z's new album debuts at #1. Meanwhile, Brit's "Blackout" drops 70% to #7.