• The guy who invented Gatorade died today. In his honor, flags will be flown at half-mast and pitchers of fruit punch will be diluted with water until the resulting mixture tastes like liquid cardboard, and yet somehow contains 300 calories.

• Memo to Obit editors: By now, Steve Fossett (that millionaire adventurer who disappeared in September) has even admitted that he's dead.

• We don't even watch Dancing With The Stars, and yet words can't express how happy we are that the season is (almost!) over.

• Evel Knievel finally forgives Kanye West for that long-forgotten incident involving crappy motorcycle stunts and awkward wordplay.

• Anderson Cooper admits to looking down on beauty queens, invokes his Fifth Amendment right not to divulge his opinion on ordinary queens.

• Milwaukee continues to raise funds for its life size $87,000 Fonzie statue. The city hopes the sculpture will draw hipster tourists interested in an ironic vacation.