• Lance Armstrong grossly makes out with random blond chick to alleviate suspicion that he's dating an Olsen.

• Even more irrefutable proof that Britney Spears is all kinds of knocked up.

• Celebrities pump their own gas, just like us! Only difference is, they can actually afford premium gasoline despite the soaring oil prices.

• Naomi Campbell continues to forget that she is, in fact, an aging supermodel—and lacks the requisite interpersonal skills required of even "honorary" diplomats.

• Wait, so this week's episode of The Real World ended with a racist catfight? Yeah, this is us, pretending to be surprised.

• Hey, ladies! Wayne Newton wants you to know he's heterosexual. Just, you know, FYI.