• Because there's no better time for transcendent soul-searching than suntanning at your daddy's beach house in Malibu. In a Hermes swimsuit.

• If Pete Doherty's banned from London, how will he ever win back his ex, that old rag, Kate Moss?

• Justin Timberlake and Roboho lead the competition with 7 VMA nominations apiece.

• R. Kelly's underage victim (now 23 years old) is understandably embarrassed about that video footage documenting her affinity for water sports.

• Gwyneth puts the "W" in "Waxy-faced androgyny."

• Jason Preston (a.k.a. Marc Jacob's ex) is back on top. Literally.