• "Fidel Castro is dead," says a reputable news source an overweight gay who overheard it from the barista at Coffee Bean.

• Britney's two year-old is already well on his way to becoming the next Michael Vick.

• AstroNut apologizes for wearing an adult diaper and trying to kill an unattractive person's wife.

• Somebody robs Kirsten Drunkst and steals her $2500 Marc Jacobs bag. Which totally sucks because it means her personal assistant will have to call Marc's personal assistant and ask him to send over a brand new bag from his Fall collection.

• Aw, Jordin Sparks is still in that cute "I'm so excited I won Idol phase." Kind of like Kelly Clarkson circa 2003, before it dawned on her that she'd just sold her soul to Clive Davis.