• Madonna finds another Malawi "orphan" to rescue snatch away from the evil clutches of her biological parents.

• CBGB's is dead. And now so is its founder.

• Owen Wilson is officially dropped from the upcoming "Frat Pack" comedy, Tropical Thunder, presumably because they don't allow movie cameras into the suicide ward of Cedars-Sinai hospital.

• Tucker Carlson doesn't hate gay people. He just likes beating them up in public restrooms.

• Facebook trounces Google 15-11 in a heated game of ultimate frisbee. "Huh," murmured a stunned Google tosser. "So that's what it feels like to come in second."