• Tom Brady potentially knocked up both his ex and current girlfriends. Talk about a busy off-season!

• Chris Rock's parents, after he told them he wanted to be an actor: "Fine! He's not selling crack. Thank you, Lord!"

• And in crazy washed-up celebrity news, the lead singer of Blues Traveler was arrested for driving 111mph and carrying enough weapons to kill the Gin Blossoms and the entire population of Rhode Island.

• "Crutches be damned" barks Victoria Beckham, who plays the role of supportive wife by dragging her injured husband out for a shopping excursion.

• After 66 years of fighting bad guys, Captain America finally gets his patriotic ass shot and killed.

• Seriously, what's the deal with Brooke Hogan, anyway?