• It's getting hot in here. So take off all your clothes…EXCEPT the black, control-top pantyhose. Yes, you, Sienna Miller!

• A hopelessly lopsided Ivanka Trump to her plastic surgeon: You're fired!

• Black civil rights activists say Brandy's only being targeted because she's a celebrity; reality says, "nono, Brandy's being targeted because she committed vehicular manslaughter."

• Meanwhile, the family of the real victim slaps Brandy with a wrongful death lawsuit.

• Hilary Duff is the new Lindsay Lohan, y'hear?

• Kelly Ripa, possibly into tea-bagging, definitely not into talking about tea-bagging on the air.

• Despite not being nominated for an Academy Award, Beyonce is so serious about acting that she's started channeling her bitchy diva Dreamgirls character off-screen.

• Ever wish that following trashy gossip was a competitive sport? Well, now it is! Pickyour own fantasy team, cross your fingers and hope that your celebrity trainwrecks ship comes in!