• Star Jones is looking for a new assistant! Interested applicants must be able to prioritize, multi-task and listen to her bark "I'm a lawyer!" ten times a day without snickering. Ever.

• In the midst of the Daily News and Wall Street Journals' post-Pulitzer celebrations, Jack Shafer reminds us that the awards are essentially a worthless crock of shit.

• Katie Couric owes Don Imus a bouquet of flowers for momentarily distracting everyone from that whole icky plagiarism thing.

• Paris Hilton's so nervous about a possible stint in the clink that she bought herself a brand new pair of artificial boobs. Allegedly.

• People are practically lining up around the block to throw feces at Richard Gere. And here he thought he's alienated everyone with Shall We Dance.