• Fellow Elaine's patron Elaine Kaufman and Beatte Telle, the model at the center of this all, claim Roman Polanski did none of the thigh massaging Harper's editor Lewis Lapham claimed in a 2002 Vanity Fair article and again on the stand during the libel lawsuit.

• Walter Cronkite is boinking Carly Simon's sister Joanna. That's all we're going to say, because it makes us as ill as you are at this very moment.

• Melissa Gilbert is through with the Screen Actors Guild, actually admitting her decision not to seek a third term as president stemmed from internal fighting.

• New York mag continues exhibiting its personality disorder, finding the show critics hate (The Comeback) and defending it as a guilty pleasure.

• Upon learning even New York magazine staffers get denied from trendy nightspots, we don't feel so bad about the disastrous results trying to name drop Jossip at PM.

• When they're not taking over the radio waves with ubiquitous Top 40, Clear Channel is loading up on the Queer Channel, a new GLBT program debuting August 7. Which is sure to please their conservative investors.

• Jane Fonda gets up on her high war horse again, this time targetting the Iraqi war. You know, since her Vietnam efforts won't so well in the 70s.

• Whee, the teen fashion mags go back to school. This year's challenge: Making 15-year-old girls look more whorish.

• It doesn't take much, but somehow Kathy Griffin continually reminds us why she stays on the D-list.

• Lil Kim lies on the stand — and in her documentary.