• A not-exactly-repentant Paris announces plans to keep a prison diary, which she will then auction off to the highest bidder.

• John Travolta continues to be embarrassed by his autistic teenage son, Jett. Meanwhile, Jett continues to be embarrassed by his pot-bellied Scientologist father, John Travolta.

• Meanwhile, "Because Brad and Angelina are not married they were unable to adopt a couple under Vietnamese law." Fortunately for Brangelina, other third world countries are far less stringent.

• Meanwhile, Calum Best endeavors to help Lindsay Lohan the only way he knows how: by "cruising for girls and getting as drunk as he could."

• Sharon Stone to play a "Hillary Clinton-type." You know, if Hillary looking like an aging 40-something sexpot.

• *NSYNC alums Joey Fatone and Lance Bass had to wait for five minutes "before being allowed into the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel." The horror!