• Katherine Heigl bans "giggling girls" from her musician fiancé's tour bus. In response, Heigl's fiancé bans "creepy chants of 'Bethany Whisper," and gaggles of much-more-attractive men who would give anything to sleep with his future wife.

• Frank Bruni conducts restaurant reviews under the name "Dirk McKenzie." Related: Bruni blasted for being lousy notetaker, praised for making it through a meal at Per Se without throwing up in the dining room.

• Nicky Hilton and Stavros Niarchos visit Paris in jail, prompting "one upset mother" to proclaim, "We don't care about no Paris Hilton." Our sentiments exactly!

• A steamy new tell-all has the inside scoop on the time Madonna and JFK, Jr. didn't sleep together. "She asked him if he had any protection. He didn't, so now they began discussing how they were going to get a hold of a prophylactic." Erotic!

• Eddie Murphy to find out whether or not he fathered Scary Spice's baby. Related: Melanie B.'s newborn said to have hilarious "Alfalfa" impression.

• Clay Aiken's fans are reportedly on a mission to become "even creepier" than Aiken himself.