• Mandy Moore cockblocks her ex-boyfriend, Zach Braff, by writing a mean song about him on her next album. Take that, J.D.!

• Meanwhile, witnesses report Braff was "touch-feely" with his date at Shakespeare in the park, describing his plus one as "very cute in jeans in a black camisole." And the Scrubs star? "He looked schlumpy," and, presumably, awkward and effeminate.

• In addition to being a shitty driver, Paris Hilton is also a highly irresponsible pet owner. "We're shocked," admits PETA, who then pauses and adds, "Um, that was sarcasm?"

• Britney Spears is a temper tantrum-throwing control freak, insiders close to the pop tart claim. Says one earwitness, "She got very upset and stormed out of the shoot and wouldn't come back. She is not listening to anyone and doing exactly what she wants. But sometimes she doesn't know best." Ah, truer words have never been spoken.

• Michael Moore to throw his (ample) weight behind an Al Gore presidential campaign.

• It took Ashlee Simpson 8 hours at the hair salon and six rhinoplasties to look this good. And you thought you were high maintenance!