• Diddy gets over the pain of losing longtime girlfriend (and the mother of his children) Kim Porter by having a cathartic threesome with two skanks in "teeny black dresses" on July 4th.

• Mariah Carey hits the jackpot with her new movie, in which she plays a singer/actress trying desperately to make all of us forget about a little something called Glitter.

• Meanwhile, Maria Bartiromo can trademark the name "Money Honey," but she can't trademark being a relatively famous news anchor and having ill-advised extramarital affairs with high profile interview subjects.

• Kevin Spacey hates being called fruity, loves ordering "the fruitiest beer" in the bar. Denial much?

• Not everyone in showbiz is an Obama fan. A crazy/hilarious YouTuber croons: "Hillary! I like your hair. The pantsuits you wear. And the shape of your derrière." Which, apparently, is much less humorous out of context.

• Nicole and Joel to celebrate the unexpected birth of their first child with an equally unexpected shotgun wedding. Huzzah!