• Lindsay Lohan is all up in Samantha Ronson's MySpace. The maybe-lezzie tells Ronson, "Babe, if I don't have you in my life then I should just go die. … I want to marry you and have children with you." Congratulations, girls! We hear the newly ordained Tori Spelling is available to oversee the nuptials.

• Diddy leaves a $500 tip on a bottle of vodka. Not because he was objectifying the cocktail waitress so much as because he thought she was "really, really hot."

• Rumor has it Boomer Esiason will be inheriting Don Imus' early-morning radio slot. Insiders say he's definitely got the broadcasting chops, but they're just "not sure he has the jowls."

• Jenna Jameson gives one lucky little girl the opportunity to find happiness and a successful porn career by going under the knife and re-emerging with giant, fake boobies.

• Charlie Sheen is engaged! Bitter ex-wife Denise Richards does her best impression of someone who's "genuinely happy for the two of them."