• Unemployed actress Sally Kirkland dons blackface and a Lionel Richie "fro" and poses beside Nicole Richie—presumably because (a) they're all crazy, and (b) Angelina Jolie was unavailable.

• Meanwhile, the next time Paris Hilton screams, "Why won't those awful paparazzi just leave me alone?" simply shake your head and remember that she's a crazy, lying mess.

• Lauren Conrad accidentally-on-purpose broke Brody Jenner's finger during a heated game of touch football. Natch, Jenner didn't let it ruin his beer buzz and had resumed his normal activities (read: binge-drinking and spending his father's money) within hours.

• JLo and her skeletal hubby Marc Anthony claim they couldn't be more "normal." Assuming "normal" is slang for "stuck-up rich people, one of whom has a disproportionately large ass."

• In addition to having threesomes with ladies of the night and accidentally leaking naked photos of LiLo, winner Calum Best may or may not have had an orgy with a hunk named "Mr. Provider."

• Donald Trump diplomatically suggests that his line of office furniture may not support Rosie O'Donnell, and/or those individuals who are, as they say, 'horizontally enhanced.'