• Diddy writes a not-nice song about ex-girlfriend Kim Porter. Which was probably a good move, seeing as women who let you bang Sienna Miller, ogle Jessica Biel and impregnate other women all while birthing and raising your own children are typically a dime a dozen.

• Annoying rich kids Brody Jenner and Spencer Pratt are in a big, douchey fight.

• Tweens given opportunity to overpay for tacky, American Idol inspired wardrobe.

• Hilary Duff reduces a 9 year-old girl to tears, presumably by forcing her to listen to her crappy new album. On repeat.

• It's not that Eddie Murphy doesn't have time to chase after his ex-girlfriends. It's just that he's sick and tired of supporting their designer shoe habits. Or, you know, their children out of wedlock.

• Is Liv Tyler married to a former homo? Or, should we be asking, 'what's the frequency, Gwyneth?'

• Creepy Scientologists have evolved beyond cupcakes.