• Nicole Richie pleads guilty to her second DUI in 5 years. As a result, she and her unborn fetus are sentenced to 4 days in rich-person jail.
• "Paris Hilton's post-prison 'new leaf' may be one you can smoke," reports Rush & Molloy, which is really just a clever way of saying she's on drugs.
• Lindsay Lohan tried to blame her crazy, coked-up car chase on a bunch of random black people.
• Meanwhile, after a gestation period of approximately 24 months, Naomi Watts finally gives birth to a forty-five pound music prodigy.
• From Page Six: "Jeremy [Shockey] is the coolest," said Scores dancer Devin. "He complimented me on my new boob job, which makes me a 36D." Um, nice?
• Who would have guessed that the next William Faulkner would turn out to be none other than "Allison" from Melrose Place?
Editorial Director
Aw, Crikey! You guys are s'posed to be media savvy and you post a teaser so far off base I have to doubt that you've even read the story. Lohan didn't try to "blame her crazy, coked-up car chase on a bunch of random black people." She was trying to blame one of two very specific black guys whom she'd just taken "hostage" on a terrifying ride down PCH.
Basic rule of professional writing: Read before you lede.