• Lindsay Lohan's bodyguard reportedly turns down $500K and an opportunity to tell everyone what a fucked-up crack whore she really is.

• Meanwhile, Linds gets some advice from someone with impeccable morals. "Do I think it's a good move for [Lindsay] to sell her story?" asked Money Honey "Bank Skank" Maria Bartiromo. "I think as much as people are interested in what she has to say, she should capitalize on it." Neat!

• In addition to confirming her invisible pregnancy, Nicole Richie also admits to taking Vicodin for her premenstrual cramps. Before the get-out-of-jail fetus, obvs.

• Two days prior to having her bodyguard beat up photog Andrew Deetz, Britney Spears yelled, "'I am going to kill you!" and then attacked him with profanities.

• Tokyo is in for a disappointing surprise.

• Is it possible Usher was lying when he said "everything is fine" between himself and his jilted/hospitalized fiancee?