• Lindsay Lohan hires a private detective to dig up dirt on her ex-boyfriend Calum Best. Because when you're Lindsay Lohan, finding out that your boyfriend cheated on you with two coke-addled prostitutes and photographed the entire thing apparently isn't enough.

• Tired of all the negative publicity, Usher finally gets around to marrying that fiancee he's been sleeping with on the side.

• Mena Suvari pulls a Britney, sans fried chicken.

• The price of Ted Koppel's superfluous starter home? $2.3 million. The image of a banana-hammock clad Ted Koppel swimming laps in his indoor pool? Priceless.

• Mayor Bloomberg reports for jury duty, tells bailiff at county clerk's office "You ask me about that sexual harassment suit and I'll have your boss' boss' boss fired."

• "Which network news executive had to confess to cheating on his partner after he caught hepatitis?" asks Gatecrasher, who adds, "he had to tell the 50 party guests whose food he prepared by hand the day before he was diagnosed."