• Britney Spears may have taken time out of her busy fried-chicken eating schedule to drive herself into a parked car, she's apparently too fat to model her own perfume. Curious!

• Also, Brit seduced a 21-year old college student in a hottub by making out with him during a game of Truth or Dare.

• A clearly unbiased New York Post wants you to know that Daily News owner (and "pipsqueak publisher") Mortimer Zuckerman's a shitty writer. Just, FYI.

• Catherine Zeta-Jones has finally had enough of Michael Douglas' old-man semen.

• Christina Aguilera's non-famous hubby takes ample precautions before venturing out into the frozen foods section of his local A&P.

• If you thought/hoped you'd seen the last of Carlton and Urkel, you'd better think again.