• Cameron Diaz isn't going to kill Jessica Biel at the MTV Movie Awards. She's just going to kick her (gigantic!) ass.

• Pamela Anderson finally opens up to her kiddies about being a dirty, dirty porn star. Next step: explaining what those giant fun-bags are really made of!

• Mischa Barton was hospitalized over the weekend. Experts say it was likely some combination of malnutrition, tequila, antibiotics and the "I'm So Excited!" episode of Saved By The Bell.

• America's Next Top Model winner Jaslene Gonzalez cops to not having "a good head" on her shoulders, thereby confirming what we already knew. Then, she attributes it all to having been in an abusive relationship and makes us feel like an ass.

• And yet, despite being a self-confessed glutton for punishment, Jaslene still has enough common sense to steer clear of never-was, Jamie Kennedy!

• Meanwhile, Brandy denies all those vehicular manslaughter charges, claims she never ran over anyone with her car and then totally tried to cover it up.