• In a bizarre, tape-recorded mental breakdown, Paula Abdul swears she's never been called a "whiny loser" before. We find this hard to believe.

• Lindsay Lohan stands to lose hundreds of thousands of dollars if she backs out of her Svedka Vodka sponsored 21st birthday party. When reached for comment, Dina Lohan yelled, "party foul!" and then did three lines of cocaine.

• Who would've guessed RZA and McSteamy are both Hillary Clinton supporters? Sadly for Hill, Method Man is still pulling for third-party candidate, Ralph Nader.

• Is hunky Josh Hartnett stepping out on his obviously real girlfriend, Penelope Cruz? Related: Hunk. Who still says that, anyway?

• Mischa Barton called her ex-boyfriend, Cisco "Hung Like A Donkey" Adler, while she was hospitalized for that antibiotics + binge-drinking incident.