• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony splitting? So soon after she referred to her husband by both first and last name on American Idol? Well, the item IS from OK!, so let's not start doing something crazy like buying her new Spanish album.

• Naomi Campbell manages to show up for community service, but not her own reality show.

• Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nichols should just move in together already.

• Lindsay Lohan's mother is every bit as irresponsible as you've come to expect her to be.

• Post-Jennifer, Vince Vaughn isn't doing so well.

• Kelis is pissing off the gays. And NOBODY pisses off the gays.

• Beyonce and Jay-Z table hopped at Waverly Inn so they won't be oogled at. At the Waverly. WHERE YOU GO TO BE OOGLED.

• Haikus about Larry Birkhead? Start counting your syllables.