• Unless Kelly Clarkson loses some bloat, there won't be any Vitamin Water sponsorship for her. [Page Six]

• Hillary Clinton won't be helping Vanity Fair's Gail Sheehy for her pre-election piece. And neither will Clinton's associates. [Lowdown]

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes pop up in SoHo to shop. No baby in sight, as per usual. [Page Six]

• Speaking of The Cruise, his unauthorized South Park episode is up for an Emmy. [Queerty]

• Welcome to the world, Tennyson Spencer Crowe, the son of Hollywood's least capable anger manager. [People]

• Michael Jackson is shocked – shocked! – to learn a former business associate was involved in gay porn. That didn't keep Jacko from watching a tape of said associate directing an adult gay flick. [NYDN]