• Lindsay Lohan, on binge-drinking: “‘I never passed out in my life! I never vomited from having drinks. Like in public. I would never do that. Well–’ she amends, ‘a few times. Well, everyone does in high school. I’m not saying everyone.’”
• Rumor has it Joe Simpson wants to be Britney Spears’ new father figure/sleazy, lecherous manager.
• Aw, let’s all take a nostalgic look back at pre-crackhead (and pre-reformed crackhead) Whitney Houston. Who loves to dance!
• Hugh Grant only likes to perform when he knows people are watching.
• LL Cool J to star on Broadway! Looks as though his steady diet of whey protein shakes, and daily 11-hour workouts have finally paid off!
• Ashlee Simpson manages to extol the virtues of plastic surgery without admitting that she, herself, has had any. Or that her new face renders her substantially hotter, albeit utterly unrecognizable.
Editorial Director
OMG! I see it now: Britney Simpson. Papa Joe has finally found an inappropriate daughter-aged person that he could actually sleep with, instead of just lust over.
Britney already has daddy issues, and this would make so much sense.