• Do Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen need a bodyguard to protect them from their own? Foster Zeh, who's been guarding the twins for three years, has a rap sheet featuring five counts of insurance fraud, falsely reporting an incident and making a punishable false written statement. Yes, but can he protect a coffee frap so it doesn't spill?

• Foxy Brown didn't waste anytime between snogging Tyson Beckford last week and moving on to NBAer Chris Webber this week. But her star power liplocks didn't keep her from getting the boot at Home so Jeremy Piven and his crew could have the table.

• Fashion Week just wouldn't be the same without a Naomi Campbell temper tantrum. The anger-prone runway vet threw a fit at Bryant Park before Chris Aire's show Tuesday because she didn't like the dress she was supposed to wear. After having a personal pity party via cellphone, she stalked off (most likely to get a refund for those failed anger management classes).

• Paris Hilton's Sidekick hacker is on his way to a juvenile detention center for 11 months, thanks to his hacking exploits. It's just a shame he's not going to get inside anyone's box for quite some time.

• Kate Moss might be preparing to edit the December/January issue of French Vogue, but we have a feeling that deal might be rescinded once editirix Carine Roitfeld sees today's Daily Mirror with her blowing a couple lines.

• Lauren Bush and four galpals got turned away at Cain on Tuesday night because the bouncers didn't recognize the Elite model, whose uncle is the president. Or, well, maybe they did recognize her.