• CW tests its new waters with Nick Lachey to find out how smart he sounds next to a person with a human-sized brain. [NYP]

• Lance Armstrong balances his sleezebag karma by comforting Dana Reeves' kid. [People]

• Jay McCarroll's very frank sex advice … don't ask him questions while he's working. [A Socialite's Life]

• Finally, a reality show about what it's like for celebrities in prison. Thank God — we were sick of watching Cybill Shephard play Martha Stewart in the re-enactment. [WaPo]

• Us Weekly is just like as uninterested in Paris Hilton as Graydon Carter and the rest of the world are. [Page Six]