• A teary-eyed Cameron Diaz is visibly relieved to learn that Kate Hudson never slept with Justin Timberlake.

• Meanwhile, Justin flies Jessica Biel to London for a U.K. booty call, and actress Sallie Toussaint characterizes "Timberwuss" as "quite the fairy."

• Bruce Willis can't seem to find any suitable middle-aged things to date. Possibly because twenty-something models are hotter.

• Hip hop star R. Kelly says his greatest competition is…R. Kelly! Fortunately for R. Kelly, we hear The Other Guy's a total pedophile!

• Remember that paparazzo who jumped on Lindsay Lohan's car and then claimed she ran him over? Yeah, that guy's suing.