• The Chateau Marmont just can't handle the crazy amount of traffic Lindsay Lohan's fire crotch drags in. [Page Six]

• Steven Spielberg is doing something for the Jews that doesn't result in his making a profit? Maybe he needed the tax write-off this year. [Fox]

• Britney Spears will let Kevin Federline take his nuts out of a jar for one day — but only so that he can put a bigger rock on her finger and swear to give her lots more babies. [Scoop]

• Somehow, when Jay-Z wants to help Africa, we take it a bit more seriously than a war-paint-wearing Gwyneth Paltrow ad. [R&M]

• Santa stops by Conde Nast early this year, forcing an army of intern elves to collect Madame Wintour's big-bowed Chanel gifts. [Gawker]