• Tinsley Mortimer attempts to prove she's almost-famous by manipulating her way into the realm of disposable celeb weeklies.

• According to Sister 2 Sister magazine (our fave!) Michael Jackson is the best father Blanket ever had.

• Arnold Schwarzenegger asserts his manhood by ousting maternity maven, Liz Lange, then taunting her by chewing with his mouth open.

• "The Year of Magical Thinking" gets a rave from the NYT! Oh, and by "the NYT," we actually mean anonymous online messageboard poster "Daniel7353."

• Jon Stewart commends Nancy Grace for her fair and unbiased coverage of the Duke Lacrosse players.

• Matthew McConaughey roughs it by living in a trailer valued higher than your rich neighbor's trust fund.