Can you ever see yourself uttering the phrase "I had a little work done?"

Well, I've had Botox and I've had restylane, and if I even go under the knife, I'll blog about that, too! I honestly don't know if I'll ever have actual cosmetic surgery - I'm too squeamish and have been known to pass out a time or seventeen at the doctor's office.

Yes, you don't want to go the way of Cher Horowitz's mom and die from a freak accident during a routine liposuction.

Exactly. Or the chick from Legally Blonde who got framed for murder because she couldn't admit to a little lunchtime lipo. [But] it's a personal preference, and I'm not to judge or moralize on what makes you happy when you look in the mirror. I do wish that we weren't living in a Girls Next Door, if-you're-not-Barbie-you're-not-beautiful society, though. It makes me really sad, and terrified to have kids someday. No girls!

Okay, we gotta ask. What's your biggest beauty/hair/makeup disaster?

I have real issues with my hair. I've burned it off – and I mean, burned off entire chunks, to the point where I had to go from having long hair to a pixie cut – three times, and each time involved multiple heating utensils while abroad. You'd think I would learn, but like a moron, I keep bringing my heat-styling tools on the plane with me and saying to myself, "Maybe this time will be different!" [But] it's never different. It always ends in tears and brillo-pad hair.

Which Hollywood bigshot is most desperately in need of your beauty expertise?

Oh, good lord, that's easy: Britney Spears. I do NOT understand that girl. Actually, you know who really gets on my nerves, beauty-wise? Christina Aguilera is perpetually orange, as if somebody has attacked her face with a bronzer brush in all the wrong spots

I know! I've seen her! She's fully orange. Like, Jay Manuel orange. Alright, in your book, you mentioned JLo's "Glo" perfume is secretly amazing. Any other tacky-but-amazing celeb sponsored products we ought to know about?

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's cheapie fragrances are really nice. they each have one (Coast to Coast LA and New York, or something like that) and Mary Kate's smells really good. Kind of embarrassing, but there it is.

As you know, there are some people out there [Ed: Like our co-editor, Rebecca] who fail to appreciate the nuanced guide to finding the ideal mascara. How do you deal with a bad review?

Hey, as long as you review the book, I'm ahead of the game, right? I don't take it too personally; some people are going to like it, and others aren't, but I feel happy with what I've written, and what's more important to me is that I'm trying to help real girls. The fans, people. It's all about the fans. God, I sound obnoxious!

As a beauty editor, we imagine you're partial to films with the obligatory "movie makeover montage." What's your favorite on-screen transition?

Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality! I love that scene when she comes striding out, looking hot and sexy…and then she trips. Priceless.