Jossip's Hamptons Guide To Places To Party For Those Who Use "Summer" As A Verb / Jossip

Jossip's Hamptons Guide To Places To Party For Those Who Use "Summer" As A Verb

OMG you guys! Like, tomorrow kicks off Memorial Day Weekend, and thus, the official opening of the Hamptons (and Fire Island) season.

Gotham and Hamptons proprietor Jason Binn pseudo-offered to let us crash at his place for the weekend – he probably makes that offer to everyone – but if you're like us, you're going to be stumbling in at 5 in the morning, probably covered in a mix of sand, oyster juices, and Veuve Clicquot, and we doubt wife Haley would appreciate that.

But beside crashing various events you were Julia Allison-style invited to (which is to say, you weren't), what's going to keep you busy after the sun goes down on the East End? Here's the Jossip's Hamptons Guide To Places To Party For Those Who Use "Summer" As A Verb.

NEW ARRIVALS

The Surf Lodge
183 Edgemere St., Montauk
P: 631.238.5190

This first one on our list is, by far, the douchiest. This $350/night hotel/bar/restaurant/outdoor deck comes to you from the owners of GoldBar and Cain (site of the infamous "models and bottles" era) and is sure
to be packed with the same crowd of people you go there saying you want to avoid but secretly enjoy the company of Expect an an excess of cash and a deficit of personality. The website's description of the bar includes the phrase "THE après-surf spot," and says the deck will host concerts from "big name artists." The "big name" opening Memorial Day weekend? Julian Marley. That should give you an idea of what sort of "celebrities" this place will attract.

Lily Pond
44 Three Mile Harbor Road, East Hampton
P: 631-907-2790

It's in the old Resort spot, has a helipad a mile away, and shares a backyard with the Kobe Beach Club. This place is for the actual wealthy, not the second-year I-bankers you'll find at, um, places like the above. Also, it's from the owners of PM and Stereo, and Jonathan Cheban is "attached" to it. Like a barnacle. Opening weekend will have Estelle performing, and you can pretend to know who she is to impress your friend. (She's the cute British girl on John Legend's imprint label.)

Regular's Music Cafe
1271 North Sea Rd., Southampton
P: 631.902.4310

This is owned by Michael Wudyka of Enclave Inn, and as the name would suggest, will feature live music and food. This doesn't sound too obnoxious, and is where we could actually imagine ourselves going, mainly because we'd still be blogging for our supper, and they have free wi-fi.

La Playa
125 Tuckahoe Road (off route 27), Southampton
P: 631.287.2125

It's from the folks behind Pink Elephant and Tenjune, and it's 10,000 sq ft. So, it's kind of like a big-box retail store that only sells date rapists. (Enjoy!) It's also just down the road from Pink Elephant's Hamptons spot, so when you get tired of one room full of identical models, another is just around the corner.

Honey Bar & Lounge
103 Montauk Highway, East Hampton
P: 631.324.1100

Connected to Prime 103, Honey is billed as "THE" Hamptons hotspot this summer. "St. Tropez setting," "hip" and "Asian" are also words that were used to describe it.

Grappa
62 Main Street, Sag Harbor
P: 631.725.7427

Supposedly the area's only wine bar, this venue from Jean Luc carries tapas and homemade gelato. It'll also carry your passed out bimbo date to the car if you ask nicely.

VETERAN STATUS

Dune
1181 North Sea Road, Southampton
P: 631.283.0808

Another "Meatpacking transplanted to the Hamptons" club—brought to you by Marquee co-owner Noah Tepperberg—although with a more upscale crowd than The Surf Lodge. After all, bottle service starts at $1,500. Apparently Tommy Lee was spotted there in September, "flat-out fucking on a banquette," so watch where you sit.

IN MEMORIUM

These spots are no longer with us. Please pour out an ounce of a $4,500 bottle of anything.

Star Room

We can't believe the Star Room closed–surely, anywhere Fabian Basabe swung from the rafters and called the bouncers "negroes" deserves landmark status?

Pacific East

Um, so it was an Asian fusion restaurant? Maybe go to Regular's Music Café, they also have…food, of some kind. Seriously, we're not even trying anymore.