Oh goodie! Celeb-on-celeb legal action gets us hot and bothered in a way David Beckham never could. Unless he sued Will Smith! But we'll settle for Nicolas Cave v. Kathleen Turner, where the washed up actor (hard to tell which is which) sued the old windbag (same problem!) for libel, alleging, in her book Send Yourself Roses and in an excerpt in the Daily Mail, Cage had been arrested twice for drunk driving and that he stole a … dog.

(For the record, the Daily Mail is known for settling libel charges for calling someone fat.)

In the book, . Naturally, Cage took Turner to court in Britain, where libel laws are looser, and forced out apologies, legal fee reparations, and donations to the National Adult Protective Services Foundation, an elder abuse organization. Cage won't sue Turner in the United States because Turner's publisher is adding a correction to future editions. And agreed not to spread rumors he's a big closet case.