Rick Kaplan is helping to define "desperate" so accurately that we don't even need that handy Firefox right-click Dictionary.com plugin. The new-ish exec producer of the CBS Evening News is on aggressive defense after his broadcast continues to set records — of how far down the toilet bowl it can slide. Two weeks ago, Katie Couric set the broadcast's worst record yet: 5.5 million viewers.

But wait! There's hope! They haven't thrown in the white blouse yet!

"CBS stands steadfastly behind its star and is working the angles," reports Broadcasting & Cable. Translation: Kaplan is concocting gimmicks to trick Nielsen into thinking Katie Couric is being watched.

Says B&C:

Kaplan hopes to get all of CBS’ 200-plus affiliates to go “seamless” between local news and Couric’s broadcast. (The owned-and-operated stations are already commercial-free between newscasts.)

“You don’t want to give viewers a chance to leave your network,” says Kaplan.

Or rather: You don't want to give viewers a chance to think the moderately-decent local news has suddenly turned off, and the crappy Couric fare has begun. Also known as "tricking Nielsen participants into overflow." Even Fox hasn't been able to pull that off with The Lot's American Idol lead-in.

But wait, there's more in store: "CBS News also will launch an 'aggressive promotional campaign' this summer that includes a prominent online presence, although Kaplan declined to offer details." In transparent terms: CBS is going to spend a new huge sum of money promoting Katie Couric – just like they did for her debut – with the same blind optimism. And the same dismal results.

Enjoy, shareholders!