We're going to again turn to the "American Idol" website, and let the hard-core Idol devotess (and opinionated haters) give their impressions of last night's episode. As usual, please be sure to fill us in on anything we missed, and look forward to our continued reliance on this feature, as we present you with forthcoming editions of "Last Night On American Idol."

Synopsis:
American Idol auditions head to Memphis, and feature Elvis impersonators, faint glimmers of talent and watered down comments from the judges in light of all the bad press the show has received. Some people in Tennessee have actual talent, others attempt to impress the judges by flattering them incessantly. Either way, Ryan Seacrest's shirt looks like a "picnic tablecloth."

Simon's Quote of the Night:
• "I don't mean to be rude, but can you shut up?"

Highlights:
• "Danielle McCulloch. She's good. Her hair, on the other hand, is so bad that I like it. It's like she just woke up AND got in a fight with lawn shears AND lost - on purpose."

• "Paula breaks out laughing during her second try, and if you've ever heard Paula sing "Rush Rush" you know that Paula telling someone they lack talent is HUGE. And big no."

• "Travis McKinney looks a bit like Kadeem Hardison from "A Different World." He's going to bring love and emotion to us in the form of some spastic dance that was apparently inspired by an epilepsy. He goes into a rap that Bobby Brown would've rejected from his worst record. I get the feeling that he might have a bit of a voice, but we never got to hear it because he was doing too much schtick in order to appear unique. Instead, he appears rejected."

• "Day two, and Paula Abdul has a lot of guys wanting to hug her. A couple pass out from the alcohol fumes."

• "Meanwhile, we are witnessing the boring but obligatory transition to day 2, furnished as usual by the ever-thrilling footage of our 3 judges stepping out of limos in varying degrees of disinterest. Awww, Paula love. Randy looking forlorn and a little bitter in one of his many unattractive button-down shirts."

Amusing Observations:
• "Frank Byers is a cheerleader, and he just had to bring the squad. His squad of Britneys wait outside for Frank to emerge in abject failure. His nickname is "Frank and Beans." Sometimes they make it too easy."

• "I'm taking bets on how quickly Castro/Jesus/homeless guy gets his Idol makeover. First Hollywood show? Second? Any chance this guy makes it through Hollywood with beard and hair intact?"

• "SEAN MICHEL - He says that people compared him to Osama bin Laden, Jesus, and Fidel Castro. His look was…um…rather captivating…I can't see him going very far without some hair removal."

• "The less the Top 12 looks like the cast of Laguna Beach or The OC, the better, in my opinion."

• "Timika… Meeka… Meeky… whatever. -This borderline comatose young woman blinked 1 time in the whole audition — including the creepy intro segment, which I am convinced must be a lost deleted scene from the director's cut of 28 Days."

• "WHAT is Ryan wearing? A picnic tablecloth?"