Merchandising expert Lauren Conrad wasn’t happy with the cover Us Weekly gave her this week. She agreed to give Janice Min’s tabloid an exclusive interview (whatever that means with press-hungry reality tarts), and they had the audacity to write a cover line that made her look all woe is me instead of girl power. CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY WOULD DO THAT TO HER?!?!

So she took to, where else, her MySpace blog to set the record straight: “Hey! I just wanted to take a moment to clear something up. I recently did an interview to talk about the show coming back on and what everyone had to look forward to. Unfortunately it was turned into yet another ‘poor me’ story. The article itself is a nice one but it follows headlines that, in no way, represent my words or feelings. I do not feel betrayed by Audrina or Brody. I love them both and said nothing to contradict this. I understand that headlines sell magazines, but I value my friendships above magazine sales any day. On a more positive note, I got to see some of the first episode yesterday and it looks amazing. I’m sooooooo excited for everyone to see Paris. Best wishes and I hope everyone tunes in Monday.”

Unless you’re friends with Lauren, perhaps you weren’t alerted to the post the way you usually are — by MySpace’s PR team, which issues releases whenever one of its celebrity clientele does something meaningful like string words together. So how come tabloid TV producers and their kin weren’t notified?

We’re just riffing here, but a one Shelly Reinstein happens to work at MySpace PR. She used to work at Us Weekly. And her sister, Mara Reinstein? She still does.

After the jump, a photo of Lauren’s dog Chloe, just ’cause.