If David Geffen gets his hands on the Los Angeles Times, we're not sure whether we'll see more or less coverage of porn, but either way we're pleased to see the real local economy of L.A. get some play in the form of scribe Joel Stein's retelling of his porn premiere adventure of Digital Playground's Pirates.

Yes, a porn premiere — complete with red carpet. Except excitement levels were at, well, a View From The Top level.

The discomfort, however, never arrived. For the first 20 minutes, the very young, exceedingly tattooed audience kept yelling back, "Rocky Horror"-style, at the screen. They also enjoyed clapping wildly at the climax of each scene. The audience members not only weren't squirming, they were bored. An hour in, the yelling and cheering died off and everyone felt fast-forward-deprived. Cassandra got so bored she left. Remember when they made the mistake of super-sizing "Friends" into 40-minute sitcom episodes? Imagine that in porn time.

Luckily somebody took it upon himself to make sure the night would have something of interest to discuss at the espresso machine the next day.

Gary Gray, a Playboy producer, brought an enormous crew. "This is our Katrina," he said.

Nothing like a gratuitous sleeze to make everyone feel at home.