Of all the men's magazines I read, the Esquire man seemed best suited for me. Maybe it's because my dad's a lawyer. It's all Freudian, I hear. Esquire appeals to a smart guy who is kind of lazy. And smart and lazy I can relate to.

Many short and/or ugly men think their sense of humor can make up for their deficiencies. Sadly, most of these men also think quoting a joke someone else wrote for TV is funny. Because women tend to find humor in things other than The Family Guy, a lot of men feel threatened by funny women. I appreciate that Esquire will take a dirty joke anywhere they can get it.

Esquire's style guide is basically a list of 69 (get it?) easy things to do to look presentable, like not wearing t-shirts with jokes written on them. I like funny t-shirts, but now I probably shouldn't. Anyone who followed Esquire's advice would exceed my superficial requirements.

Do men really believe that Brett Favre's successful football career is due to the BowFlex? The guys who buy a BowFlex from this ad started out as Maxim readers.