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Mark Wahlberg Does Not Want to Be the Next Christopher Walken

"I had a beard like that in the perfect storm"

Besides the Tina Fey as Sarah Palin run, the funniest thing on SNL this season was last week's "Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals" sketch, where Andy Samberg hams up the Boston actors mannerisms for a deceptively simple plot of…talking to farm animals. It's already become a meme, in part because the impression of Wahlberg is not a dead likeness: in fact, it would be hard-pressed for someone before this sketch to nail down exactly what Marky Mark sounds like. But now with the ultimate soundbite of "say hello to your mudda for me!" teens across the nation are repeating the lines ad nauseum, just in time for the release of the Wahlberg-vehicle, The Happening.

So is the three-nipped gent happy about this gentle ribbing that brings his Entourage-producing persona onto the public radar? Nope:

"Someone showed it to me on YouTube. It wasn't like Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin, that's for sure. And "Saturday Night Live" hasn't been funny for a long time. They've asked me to do the show a ton of times. I used to watch it when Eddie Murphy was there and Joe Piscopo and Bill Murray. I don't even know who's on the show now."

Mark Wahlberg has never been on SNL? Maybe this is sort of off-topic, but who does Wahlberg think he is? He also busted all over the Ocean's 11 series saying he was glad he never participated in them and had to pretend like they were good. Jesus, like you are such an auteur, Wahlberg. You and Donnie both.

Prediction: Lorne Michaels and co. will keep pushing for more of the running jokes on Wahlberg (ooh, next time please let there be a Fear reference) until Marky Mark caves in and agrees to guest-host so not to look like a bad sport. Mark Wahlberg impressions become the next Christopher Walkens impressions, and SNL is funny again. Wahlberg is forced to get a sense of humor about himself, and everyone lives happily ever after, the end.

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