Should magazines be more habit-forming? Yes! says not-crazy medical expert Dr. Samir Husni (a.k.a. “Mr. Magazine”) who owns over 800 neckties and contends that “magazines need to possess the ‘addictive’ quality of chocolate.

“Nobody needs chocolate,” observes Husni. “But once you get addicted to chocolate, you are going to be eating chocolate time after time. Our product has to have that addictiveness.”

Um, exactly.

See despite initially resenting “Mr. Magazine” for having a stupid fake-title, we actually couldn’t agree more. Magazines should be chemically addictive! Except, why stop at chocolate? We were thinking more along the lines of, say, “magazines should be addictive like crack cocaine” or maybe even “addictive like black tar heroine” (or So You Think You Can Dance!) but, well, whatever.

Either way, this Husni guy is definitely onto something, and Portfolio EIC Joanne Lipman would be wise to pay attention. Because unless she makes some significant changes going into the third issue, her magazine looks to about as addictive as a can of SPAM. Which is to say “Thick, oddly packaged, and something you’ll open only as a last resort.”