Close your eyes, and imagine you're on Coney Island. Go ahead, do it. Now, keep your eyes closed and pretend you're riding the rickety (but historic!) Cyclone, listening to the foul-mouthed "freak" bellowing out insults at each passersby, or watching a small Japanese man eat enough Nathan's hot dogs to guarantee his first triple bypass surgery before the age of 35.

Now, open your eyes and inhale.

What's that smell? Why, it's the enticing aroma of stale hot dogs, perspiration, cheap booze, unwashed carnie children and an alarmingly overcrowded public beach!

Nope, you're not hallucinating, and you're not actually stuck in an outer-borough nightmare.

You're just smelling the newest creation from Bond No. 9, "Coney Island" perfume, a tequila-scented reminder of summer, assuming your definition of "summer" consists of sandalwood and Margarita Mix.

When asked to comment on this groundbreaking new parfum development, Alcoholic Guy said, "Why in the hell would I pay $40 an ounce to smell like tequila when I can by a bottle of Jose Cuervo for under twenty bucks?"