We don't know what the hell is going on, but there is almost nothing in this week's New York about Brooklyn. WTF? was our response exactly, which is why we passed off the job of scrolling through this somewhat disturbing issue of our city's semi-holy grail to Intern Zack. From Elvis terrorist theorists to a clan that makes the Mason family look like the Cosbys, we are sure Zack will be having nightmares of celibacy and David Bowie for weeks to come.

• Yep, Howell Raines' book is still about fishing. Hasn't the fishing as metaphor for life been written about already? [Fishing With Howell]

• The Hasidic Jews in Williamsburg are ready to go to war for their turf. And when they're done with that, they're taking out all the hipsters. God bless. [Hats On, Gloves Off]

• David Bowie admits to sneaking into movie after movie. We thought there was some kind of law that Bowie had to be cooler than the average person, not more lame than your little brother. [The Dad Who Fell to Earth]

• Leave it to New York magazine to present us with Scott Walker hallucinations of Elvis the 9/11 hijacker. [Elvis Dreams of 9/11]

• Check it out. The Opus Dei headquarters in midtown is where the party's really at. If your definition of "party" is a sex free sing-a-long. [Celibate and Lovin’ It]

• Introducing the most fucked up family in America — next to that family who beat their kid up on Primetime. Note that Robert Kissel is wearing an NYU shirt. Coincidence? [Kissels Of Death]

Table of Contents [New York]