Sometimes you gotta love the New York Observer. 'Why?' you ask. Because their newspaper is an awkward shade of salmon, because their barely legal publisher still gets carded on a regular basis, because you're sneakily addicted to the Transom.

And because just when you thought they've lost a bit of their legendary bite, they go and write an entire article praising Chloe Sevigny, Claire Danes and Parker Posey on becoming has-beens, chiding Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohans for being shoulda-coulda-woulda trainwrecks, and patting boring-but-talented stars Maggie Gyllenhaal and Hilary Swank on the back for being in bed before midnight…and totally redeem themselves!

(Special bonus points for the artwork, as well as the bold hypothesis that Claire Danes ingeniously reinvented herself by stealing Mary-Louise Parker's boyfriend when the Weeds star was 8 months pregnant).