Have you heard? It's so exciting! Nicole Richie and Joel Madden (a.k.a. "MadRich") are unexpectedly expecting! Which explains why Richie's been looking like such a big fat heifer these days.

In any event, TMZ and In Touch have officially confirmed the pregnancy (presumably by sending paparazzi in to capture the baby's very first sonogram) though the real credit goes to those eagle-eyed National Enquirer staffers, who spotted the baby-bump only minutes after Madden's seed implanted itself into Richie's surprisingly fertile uterus.

Meanwhile, with Richie's sentencing still up in the air, the couple faces the possibility of having their unplanned lovechild come into the world in a no-frills hospital contracted by L.A.'s correctional facility.

When asked to comment, the pint-sized Simple Life star grabbed the microphone and shrieked, "When you have sex, make sure you always, always use protection. Seriously. Even if you're fully anorexic, haven't had a normal menstrual cycle in over two years and are currently dating a guy who smokes so much pot he's got Bob Dole giving him pointers on E.D. Um, hypothetically."