"Does a scattershot of gay Timesmen a mafia make?" WWD asks, in response to Out magazine's Power 50 list, which groups together a bunch of NYT homos and ranked the so-called "Times mafia" at a collective number seven.

'Maybe!' concludes WWD, and, frankly, we're not quite sure what to think. After all, the men in question (restaurant critic Frank Bruni and theater critic Ben Brantley, among others) are certainly powerful in a "wordsmith" sort of way, but they're not exactly the most physically intimidating bunch.

And while some NYT mobsters are capable of inciting fear amongst aging cabaret singers and overly hyped pastry chefs we actually think we could take most of them in a battle of fisticuffs. (Except for maybe "Godfather" Richard Berke. He's scary!)

Still, like any organized crime ring, the Times' mafia cringes at the thought of being lumped together into one giant, homosexual conglomerate. And these streetwise reporters are too smart to explicitly admit that they're already mounting a counterattack.

"What are we going to do?" wondered Elliot. "Beat them with the Sunday Times?"

"It's just nomenclature," said Brantley dismissively. "I didn't even know some of those men were gay." Asked if he had since gotten in touch with his fellow mafia members, Brantley said: "Oh, God no."

Hear that? It's called solidarity, brother!

So watch out, vulnerable heterosexual citizens! Steer clear of those dark alleys—particularly those in close proximity to the theater district! Oh, and watch your step, Chodorow. You may have befriended a few street toughs back in the slammer, but you think they're any match for the leopard robe wearing Bruni, and his band of queer, literati acquaintances?

Fuhgettaboutit.*

Kidding! Our money's obviously on Jeffrey "Ex-Con" Chodorow.